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06 August 2008 @ 10:14 pm
To Drag or Not Too Drag?  
I am currently at a place where I have no real problems with my partner's crossdressing. Maybe that is due to the fact that he has not dressed at home in a really long time. Part of this was due to me moving to Europe for 6 months and the other part was following my return we were living with family and it just wasn't safe for him to do it there. However, we have been in a place of our own for the past 4 months and the only times he has dressed was when we took a friend of ours to a drag bar for her birthday, at my Rocky show, and once when we went to see Peaches Christ's Midnight Mass in SF. The last two times he dressed super draggy because of the nature of the events. I told him that I was proud of myself for being ok with his dressing and he pointed out that he thought I was more comfortable when he was dressed in drag and that we now have friends who think it is "cool".

I kind of thought that was a back handed comment. It succeeded in making me feel like I was 1) not in fact accepting which made me question my behavior over the last few years and 2) like I was somehow not as accepting as our friends. I have a few things to say about that.

It is one thing to be accepting of another persons behavior, especially if you have nothing personally invested in it, it is something else entirely when you are the one who is living through it. Sure, I never had a problem with crossdressers, transgendered people, or other such sexual deviants prior to it being a very real part of my life. I never thought it would be something I would ever have to deal with because it just wasn't my thing. I always thought that people in these types of relationships chose it for themselves. Well we all have choices, but it is not that easy when you are emotionally involved with someone.

I was faced with the most fulfilling relationship, the love of my lifetime, my heart, my soul. How could I choose to walk away from that, something that most people would kill for, because it just wasn't my thing? You all know the answer to that because you are here too. You stayed. Even though society doesn't understand. Even though it is hard and sometimes it feels like the walls will collapse on you. We stayed because the good parts are so very good, because when we rationally think about it, it is not that bad, and because we are women and that is what we do... we change for our men, even when our men want to be women. Oh, cruel irony.

As for me being more comfortable when he dresses in drag, I hadn't thought about it really. I like styling his wigs. I like that he as well as our friends think I do a really good job at it. Seeing him in drag is more real to me than him dressing in every day women's clothing. It is also more fun. I still don't think his drag persona is any more real than his femme persona. Both seem forced and uncomfortable. Sometimes he is comfortable and it seems natural, but that is only when he forgets he is wearing it.

Anyhoo, I am too tired to write any more. I may expand on this later.

It would be nice to see some other thoughts on this community, so, if you get a chance I would like to see some introductions on the page.

Thanks for reading.

~A~

xposted in im_adolla_richa
 
 
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